so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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