I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
