Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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