If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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