i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
