my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
