FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
