I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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