I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
