i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
