I must be too annoying 4 u.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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