I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
