You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
