We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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