i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize