if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
