none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
