just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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