I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize