your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
