he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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