That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
