Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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