Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
