When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
