so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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