Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
