This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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