he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
