I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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