Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
