Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
