He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
