You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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