hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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