Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
