conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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