I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
