3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish you could order shots online.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
