there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
