Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
