Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
