Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
