I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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