before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
