and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
