I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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