I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm having to shit out rocks
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