I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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