there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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