I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
