she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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