apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
