Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
