It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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