im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I want a musical about memes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
